The Kitchen Knife
by Antarctique
Summary: Matthew has always been ignored. Now things catch up with him and he's close to the edge.


I needed to take a break, sorry. Also I figured out that I should write about something I know personally. I don't know a lot of happy things. More pain and dark then the fluff writer (Kind-of) you see here. Just be to clear, this is not a song.

…..

_Why is it so hard to see me? Am I that hard to see? Maybe I'm nothing, do I even exist?_

Just another day, I thought as I walked into the meeting. Battered and bruised inside and out. I took my seat at the end of the table. I got mistake as _him_ again by none other then Arthur today. Just a another day. The meeting started with Arthur miscounting, _he _pointed me out.

Another hours past before it got out. Taking the back roads home, I stayed out of trouble. It was there I saw it, an answer. The Kitchen Knife, it could solve all my problems couldn't it? I ignored it's call, going for a drink of water.

I knew though no matter how much I drank nothing would wash the foul taste of hate out of my mouth. The taste of disgust would still be there along no matter how much I tried, brushing, mouthwash, or flossing. I sat on the same worn couch that I sat on every night. The same taste in my mouth as the night before. The same tears ran down my face as they had in the past. And the same hatred for the same world just like every other night.

Even as night became darker it wouldn't be dark enough for sleep to claim me. There would always be too much light, too much happiness that I wouldn't have. As if it mocked me birds began to chirp and the sun started to rise. A day off.

_Why am I so lost? So unhappy, nothing seems to work. Is the Kitchen Knife the only way out of gloom?_

I walked in the sun. Hating the brightness of it. They left me alone today, no doubt because _she _got to them first. Thank God for her, but even the Kitchen Knife seemed more temping now then ever. It was always there... just calling for me.

I left the meeting early this time. No one noticed. Just another day. I walked home ready for no sleep, the Kitchen Knife, and the drowning happiness. I was never going to get the fruit because when I reached for it, it drew further away. And the water below me, I reached down to take a sip to maybe rid the taste in my mouth, only for the greedy ground to swallow it up.

_There is a time when you stop reaching, stop caring, and thing just become a blur day in and day out. There is a time where all the colors of world blend together into a murky brown. There is a time where doing thing are like swimming in mud, slow and seemingly impossible. _

I reached towards the water glass, destine to follow the hopeless routine of trying to get the horrid taste out out of my mouth. A knock at my door forced me to break my daily routine of water and sitting.

There _she_ stood alone. _She _smiled and held her hand out. "Hey Mattie, I saw you walk out of the meeting today and Arthur wouldn't let me skip another one. Want to talk over dinner? Just you and I?"

I stared at her smiley weakly. "I-I really shouldn't..."

_How would I return to the gloom? Would it throw me over the edge? Would I finally take the Kitchen Knife and cut my wrists as a painkiller? _

I started to close the door. _She_ stuck her foot in the doorway and said in serious tone, "Matthew Williams. You and I both know you need to talk." _She _knew. As if the words were a blow, I folded like a deck of card in front of her.

Tears ran down my face and sobs came over me so hard my body quivered. _She_ bent down next to my and pulled me into a hug. Whispering kind things in my ear, she rocked me slowly, and ran her nimble fingers through my hair. I cried harder, wetting her light blue blouse with my tears.

After that, most people avoid me for a while. _She_ was the other way around. We went to dinner and _she _refused to let me go home. I was ordered to stay with her at all times and get some sleep. And that night lying next to her, I did.

Thank God for you, Anna.

….

Yes this ties in with The New Girl but it was mainly about Matthew. And if you aren't already a fangirl... you are now.


End file.
